Before You Call It Disobedience: Understanding Why Your Child May Be Struggling to Learn

Understanding Why Your Child May Be Struggling to Learn

Challenges I’ve come across in my homeschooling and cyberschooling experience:

“Why does it take so long for my daughter to complete her work?”

“Why can’t she sit still and do her work?”

These are questions many homeschooling or cyberschooling parents ask. It can be very frustrating when your child doesn’t want to do schoolwork, especially if you've put in so much time and effort into creating a successful school environment at home. Teachers in brick-and-mortar schools experience this as well, so you’re not alone in your frustration, but school at home gives you more flexibility to figure out what the problem is and to make the proper changes based on each child’s particular needs.

Instead of thinking of your child as being bad or just not obeying you, it’s worth taking a deeper dive into the reasons why it might be hard for them to complete the task at hand.

I remember being in elementary school and not being able to see the yellow chalk written against the green chalkboard. I would have to go all the way to the board to copy down the notes or math problems or whatever it was the teacher had written down. This took extra time, and eventually got my work done, but it was frustrating not being able to see and it was embarrassing to be called out to stand up there in front of the whole class.

I enjoyed school, but I can imagine how frustrating it could be for a child who didn’t enjoy school as much as I, or didn’t pick up on the material as quickly as I could, or for a child who was too embarrassed to stand up at the front of the class. Now my issue was just my sight, imagine being a child who can’t hear as well as you and I and the challenges that they might face.

Being able to hear what’s going on around us is part of how we connect with the world. I would imagine that not hearing clearly presents its own challenges. If everything you hear sounds like it’s been turned up, it can be hard for the brain to decipher the information, to sort the voices of individuals, to differentiate commands from questions, can’t hear yourself think, etc. Or, let’s go to the other end of that spectrum - the volume sounds like it’s been turned down. You can’t hear the teacher very well, so you miss most of the lesson because you’re trying to focus on what the teacher just said previously and missed out on what they said after that. Imagine not being able to hear clearly and the voices sound warbled and bleed into each other as just sounds and not individual words. You find yourself staring out into space because you can’t connect to what’s being said. You just check out.

Learning differences can have a huge impact too. Some people are more visual learners and need images, diagrams, or some kind of graphic to help them learn. Other people learn by listening and talking about the subject with others. There are those who do better with reading words to understand lessons better, and then there are people who learn best by using their hands.

When learning feels discouraging day after day, some children simply give up. What appears to be laziness or a bad attitude may actually be frustration, embarrassment, or a lack of confidence. Their refusal to do school work may not be a behavioral issue at all but that they feel like they can’t do it. They may feel stupid or dumb because it seems like everybody else seems to understand the work just fine.

But what if it’s an attitude problem?

Give yourself and your child a break from the frustrating moment, and talk to them when you’ve both had time to calm down. A calm conversation about what they are feeling can do wonders to strengthen your bond with each other and help them verbalize what they’re feeling about why they can’t or won’t do the work, and it will help you better understand what assistance your child needs. If you feel unable to help, or your child won’t talk to you, have them talk with a trusted adult if they don’t feel comfortable talking to you.

Once you understand what their problem is, you can make changes. Get rid of any distractions, allow the child to work at their own pace, take breaks as needed, etc. Set rules and boundaries so the child will know what's expected of them. Set up a reward system (stickers, game time, a treat, etc) to encourage them to look forward to completing their work.

Just remember not to penalize or punish your child for having trouble understanding the subject. IT IS NOT THEIR FAULT. Emphasize that doing their best is what you expect of them and try to help them as best you can.

Remember, home schooling and cyberschooling is a journey for the both of you. It can be challenging, but with proper tools and the right mindset, you and your child or children can make it to your destination together.

-C. Danielle Hackley